fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize