Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
