ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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