apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
