but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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