I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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