It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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