can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
