even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
