Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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