im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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