hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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