I seem to have left my pride at pride
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
