There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So. Much. Porn.
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