Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
