Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
