I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
