you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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