You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
