Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
