I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
