OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
