i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
