So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
