I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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