He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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