We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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