I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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