Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
