Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
