This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
