He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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