And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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