I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
