With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
