does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
