don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
