Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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