Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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