Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
