she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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