So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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