If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
