She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
