I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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