So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
