You're my little dorito
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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