I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
