Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
