I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
