Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
