Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
