I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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