You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
