shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
