I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
