He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
