Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Boobs are out for the taking
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize