I heard we made out
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
