I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
