i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
