is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
