Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
