What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My vagina is officially offended.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
