I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
