carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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