i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
