Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
