I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
