I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
