I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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