The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
