If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
