You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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