oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
